Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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