It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
