Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
