there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
