jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
