I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
