im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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