before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
