I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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