K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
