I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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