On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
where are my eyebrows?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
