Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
