I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
