its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
