Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
