So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
