Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
