is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
