my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
