Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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