He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
