Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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