life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
