i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
