Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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