it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
