he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
