Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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