sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
