I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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