hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
