dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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