does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sober January is a disaster.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
