Your tits are I can't wait for
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
