you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Alive.
So much puke
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
