$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
