the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
