my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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