You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
