I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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