i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
