I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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