I've blown a few things in my day
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
