I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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