I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think my moral compass just broke
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
