you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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