When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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