Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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