i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
