Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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